Ayi’s Fucking Hostel

We had been in China for almost 4.5 months by this point and I was harfing some serious dartage. Adrienne and I had finished up Guilin and had taken a long train ride to Zhangjiajie to see the floating mountains. We found our hostel and were greeted by a Chinese man who spoke English and his mother who did not. We explored the hostel, found our rooms and saw the roof that had a view, but not a good one. 

My habit was to wake in the morning, watch my breath for a while lying in bed, struggle to launch myself from out underneath the covers and hurriedly put some thick clothes on. From there, flip flops, and then the journey up the cold, dark staircase to the roof for a morning dart or two or three. 

Foolishly, on this particular morning, I closed the door to the roof too firmly and securely not wanting to get smoke inside the building as I didn't know if I was allowed on the roof or to smoke up there. 

I didn't realize about the door initially though and harfed pretty good on a couple cancer sticks before thinking about going back in to relieve myself on the squat toilet with a lovely poo lubed up good from the dart. When I went to go inside though, I could not open the door. There was no handle or way to pry the door open. 

I grew anxious as the pressure in my ass built up.  It was coming out soon regardless of location, I panicked and looked for an exit that wouldn't include anyone else in my foolishness and lack of awareness. There were no options besides squatting in the corner and still be stuck up there or calling out for help and dragging Adrienne up the stairs to by my saviour. 

I heeded to the latter and banged and yelled for what felt like 10 or 15 minutes before hearing Adrienne’s voice call out, 'Ian, is that you? what the fuck!’. I screamed back for her to get the fuck up here and as she did and the steel door opened to reveal my escape and the pressure below the belt immediately subsided and I lit another dart before shovelling some breaky in and climbing into fog for the next 7 hours. Ouch.

That was the story of Ayi's crazy fucking roof.